ISleepInADrawer.com

An Improvement

For the last two days, my gym skills have improved. With my new padlock, I haven't locked-myself-out-of-my-locker-wearing-only-a-towel. Instead, yesterday I fell asleep on a gym mat, and this morning I walked into a mirror.

But, at least I was clothed.

Naked

This morning at the gym, I accidentally locked myself out of my gym locker. My keys (including the key to my lock), wallet, phone, clothes, shoes, bag, and even my chapstick were all trapped that locker. I had nothing - literally - except a towel.

A friend of mine, also at the gym, dressed in haste, left me his own towel, and ran to get the manager and some clippers to break the lock. While I waited for him to come back, I pondered who would laugh harder about this... my boyfriend or my co-workers. I guessed, but guessed wrong.

While my co-workers laughed harder about it, my boyfriend just wanted to know what I would've done had my friend not been there to leave the locker room and seek help. Would I have walked out of there wearing only a towel and sought the manager or a custodian?

I'm still wondering that myself.

May Day

Two men on the streetcar this afternoon were discussing May Day. It took me a few minutes to realize they were talking about the Bond girl from A View to a Kill.

Quoth he: "I mean, who knew it was also a workers' holiday?"

Mayday.

Average

You know, pictures like the one above (or videos like this) often leave me dejected about the state of education (and interest in education) in this country.

After all, I consider myself to be an average man in all respects (except for athletic ability, where I'm stuck at the base of the totem pole). No test I've ever taken has labeled me a genius. My intellectual ability and professional achievements are, by all reasonable accounts, ordinary. Completely average. Underwhelming in the face of Ivy League degrees and Nobel laureates.

So, if I know about the 1936 Olympics, and that a supermajority of Israelis are Jewish, am I naive in thinking that most of us know these things? Or do most people not know and not care?

I hope not... I'm not comfortable with the idea that I might be above average at something. If that's the case, then this country has no hope.

Conspiracy

Last year, my (smoking hot) physician moved to Portland because his wife wanted to do a residency at OHSU. I've spent the last year hating Oregon, and not getting a new physician.

Last week, I finally relented on both my Oregon hatred and lack-of-physician. I figured I needed a doctor to just look me over, tell me to lose some weight, and address a few minor problems I've been having recently avoiding for the past year.

One issue in particular centered on periodic knee pain. A previous doctor had once noticed that my left foot was "completely flat, with no arch support whatsoever." She had also indicated that my right foot was only marginally better off. "Someday," she said, "You'll have to deal with that."

Friday was apparently that day. My new doctor and I, after exchanging pleasantries for a few minutes, got down to work. Within fifteen minutes of a "hip, knee, and ankle" exam, he announced that my knees were in perfect health, but that my feet and left hip weren't.

"This is an issue that lies solely with the arch support - or lack thereof - in your feet," he said, "and we could treat it dramatically or, as I prefer, gradually."

Step-by-step, he said, we'd try and correct an apparent knee misalignment. First: general orthotics (shoe inserts). He recommended a few brands, and even a shop near my house that sold them. If, after a few months, the pain still came back periodically, we'd move on to custom-fit orthotics and physical therapy to breathe life back into several muscles on my left side that I've apparently never used (though all other people do when they walk).

I was so relieved. When I first walked in there, I'd feared he'd be signing me up for knee surgery next week or something. To hear that my knees were indeed healthy, and that the problem lie in the already-known defect of my feet was a tremendous relief. Plus, I was happy thus far with my new physician. He was just as approachable and friendly as the last (albeit not nearly as handsome).

But, on my way out, his stock dropped dramatically with this piece of advice:

"Oh, and by the way, James: some yoga would work wonders for this problem as well, and probably help all that muscle tension as well."

God, I miss the Midwest.